Tagged: film

Weird Crush

I have never been able to define my ‘type’ if someone asks me what I find attractive in the opposite sex. It always seemed to me the men I have liked look completely different from each other until I realised – I fancy pretty boys – but only when they have gone slightly off the rails:  either by aging considerably, growing ridiculous facial hair, having generally stupid hair or actually going a bit nuts.

I’m not saying Justin Bieber with an eye patch would suddenly do it for me, but here’s a few examples…

Tom Hardy (who had his first glimpse of fame as a model in 1998 and more recently starred in the blockbuster Inception in 2010) had not really caught my attention until he portrayed Britain’s most violent convict in the surreal biopic Bronson (2008) – sporting a circus entertainer style moustache and a cleanly shaven head… (I do not find violence glamorous BTW I just think Tom is great)

Image

A few days ago I fell in love with him as Forrest Bondurant in Lawless (2012) as the grizzly, unshaven, slack jawed 1920’s hillbilly dressed like someone’s grandad except with a trilby and a knuckle duster in his pocket = some sort of Heaven.

The thing about Tom is those psychotic eyes he’s managed to perfect – it’s like, is he undressing me with his eyes? or does he want to boil my brains for supper? (Plus he’s got lips like Rosie Huntington-Whiteley so what man or woman could resist?)

Image

Jeff bridges was never really pretty but did become strangely hot as the dude in The Big Lebowski (1998). In fact, his younger self would have repulsed me…

As a (much) older man he has become a slight infactuation of mine. His voice is so gravelly I actually think someone switched his porridge for cement mix a while back and it did wonders for him. I think I would melt if I heard that voice in real life.

Who wouldn’t want to cosy up in to that big old beard and baggy old man cardigan whilst sipping on a white russian?

For Keanu Reeves, it’s the reverse effect of Jeff. I think he was one of my first major crushes (along with Jon Bon Jovi – who ruined it for me after chopping off his hair and getting his teeth done) when I saw him in Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure. I thought he was truly excellent. Note the stupid hair (He’s on the right)

Fast forward to present day and although still pretty he looks a bit like a tired IT worker. Hmm, not my cup of tea.

“Do you have soul?” :| “That all depends.”

High Fidelity is, like, the BEST film about relationships ever made. I think. (Directed by Steven Frears but I have to mention that the original book was written by Nick Hornby even though I never read it.) It’s also about music, which is good, but it’s not the greatest film ever made about music.

When Laura (Iben Hjejle) and Rob (John Cusack) get back together on such strangely honest terms it reinforces my opinion that it’s OK not to be a wet blanket with hopelessly high maintenance ideas of romance. It definitely makes me happier to cut the bullshit and be real.

“I’m too tired not to be with you.”

“What, so if you had a bit more energy we’d stay split up, but things being as they are, with you being wiped out and all, you want to get back together? Is that it?”

“Yeah.”

Does this no bullshit approach make everyone happier? I pick up on faults when I see them and point out when someone is being a dick because then I can get over it. Perhaps this is insensitive. But then being told every day that you’re amazing, perfect etc. and then suddenly being barraged with a million put downs in one blazing argument is kind of a slap in the face.

So, anyway, at the end of the film it’s the smart, independent woman that he ends up with – not the slutty one or the mysterious one or the one that is constantly in awe of him. This I find comforting. (Let’s assume that the smart one is to whom I relate the most, no slutty comments please)

After much over-analytical woe-is-me faffing about I think Rob is finally right when he realises – it’s not what you are like, it’s what you like that makes a relationship work. I still think he’s a bit of a dick though because he cheated in the first place.

I can deal with not understanding some aspects of my boyfriends’ behaviour, even deal with the sometimes teeth grindingly irritating aspects of his behaviour, BUT, if he didn’t like The Stooges, The Stones, Beastie Boys, The Beatles, Nick Cave, The Maytals, Bob Dylan, Jimi, The Fugees, Leonard Cohen, Smashing Pumpkins, De La Soul… OK I know this is kind of a weird list, and I’m not sure where we stand on Pearl Jam and I KNOW we will never agree on Amy Winehouse, (I have actually broken into tears whilst drunk trying to convince him how important she is as a female artist – cringe) but, if he simply didn’t like MUSIC then that would totally dissolve the glue that binds us together.

I do believe all can be resolved when you stick on some good vinyl and crack open a few cans.

“I agreed that what really matters is what you like, not what you are like… Books, records, films — these things matter. Call me shallow but it’s the fuckin’ truth, and by this measure I was having one of the best dates of my life.”

Here is another good bit from the film…

“Listen, Rob, would you have sex with me? Because I want to feel something else than this. It’s either that, or I go home and put my hand in the fire. Unless you want to stub cigarettes out on my arm.”

“No. I only have a few left, I’ve been saving them for later.”

“Right. It’ll have to be sex, then.”

“Right. Right.”